ONISM
by makinlovetomyvibes
Summary: Their pig farm is going to have to wait as Raffe follows Penryn around the country in an attempt to mend relations with the unknown. road trip! adventure, and /world building/
1. CA, Part A

**ONISM**

 **(CA, Part A)**

There are some things in life that you can't question. They are irrefutable and the law of the land: 1) The air gets colder the higher you fly, 2) Angels weren't built to swim, 3) I will protect Penryn's life for as long as she lives, and 4) Penryn will always find a way to put herself into a dangerous situation. Two of those laws contradict each other.

 **San Francisco, CA**

 **September 18, Year 2 PA (Post-Apocalypse)**

Penryn wasn't talking to me and she wasn't sleeping either. Her tense form was curled up against the wall in an attempt to get farthest away from me. I made no effort to get closer or farther away and I didn't even try to talk to her. I stared at the ceiling and wondered how we had gotten to this point, how we had gone from a slight disagreement to a full-on fight. I could go upstairs and get shit-faced with my men but they would probably take Penryn's side, the butt-kissers.

But I wanted to stay with her. I wanted to stay with her even though she was silently fuming in the bed next to me, probably going over options to convince me to appeal to what started this whole mess in the first place. But I wouldn't agree to her dumb idea even if I wanted to. It was way too dangerous. I didn't want anything to happen to her for a long, long time and gallivanting around the country trying to sway people in a political campaign was just asking for death to take her. Penryn was only looking at the positive side of things. She forgot that nobody actually knows what kind of condition the rest of the world is in and there's a high chance that we'd all be shot at. We're in the same situation as when there was still a possibility I'd be Messenger, except if she goes on this trip, there would be no possibility of me not going with her.

She sighed, clearly frustrated at her inability to sleep and at me. She wanted me to apologize but I wasn't going to apologize for wanting her safe and apologizing wasn't going to solve this argument anyway.

"You know, I'm not talking to you until you talk to me and if we don't talk we're just going to be lying here silently all night and neither of us will get any sleep." She said to the wall.

"If you're not talking to me then why did you just talk to me?"

"I didn't."

"Uh, I think you did." She rolled onto her back and gave me an annoyed glare.

"Well, now you're talking to me so I'm allowed to talk back."

I rolled my eyes but continued to play her game, "So, what do you wanna talk about?"

"Raffe," She whined, exasperated.

"Penryn," I said back, mocking her tone and shaking her arm, which had made its way to the middle of the bed. She had calmed down from level "I'm either going to punch you or cry" angry but she still gave me a cold glare at the contact. Instead of relenting, I grabbed her hand.

She sighed and looked at me a little nicer before speaking, "But why? Why do you think this is a terrible idea? The Council thinks it's a great idea."

"From what I've seen, the "Council" doesn't know what they're doing. They're all diplomats who barely survived, and if I remember correctly, none of them have wings on their backs that make for good shooting targets." I said a bit more bitter than I intended.

"But that's why I have to do this!" She argued, her voice gaining volume, "Am I just supposed to stay in one place for the rest of my life because everywhere else is too dangerous?!"

"Yes! That's exactly what's going to happen."

She let out a small gasp and let go of my hand. A thick silence settled between us for a moment. The heat of a small ounce of guilt was creeping onto my skin; I didn't intend for my words to come out that way. I usually control my tone and words easily but fighting with Penryn was making me flustered.

Penryn bit her lip as she came up with a rebuttal. Finally, her voice piped up, matter-of-factly and irritated, "I am almost nineteen years old-"

"It's just too dangerous!" I said, cutting her off before she could go any further.

"I know you see me as a fragile child but-" She said, her voice a little more heated.

"What?" I interrupted, surprised, "No I don't. Why would you think that?"

"Um, yes you do. Remember that time I was late getting home after a council meeting?" She paused, the tension in the room slowly melting, "You thought I was dead!"

"In my defense, you were about two hours late." A lot could happen in two hours.

"Same difference." She muttered. All of the tension from the earlier fight was gone and Penryn was snuggling a little closer to me.

"It's not - and how does that one time justify what you just said?" I asked.

"I mean, you're always worrying about me like I can't handle myself," She said with a small voice, "It's depreciating."

"Penryn," I grabbed her hand again; she didn't resist this time, "I don't view you that way. I haven't looked at you like that since- I don't know, maybe when you fought off three men twice your size, _definitely_ when you killed an angel. You're usually capable of handling yourself," I squeezed her hand, "I just worry about you sometimes is all."

"Okay, so if I'm capable, don't fight me on this trip." She had authority in her voice and countered it by squeezing my hand back.

"That's not what I said."

"Raffe, it can't be as dangerous as going into the Pit and we got out of that." She pointed out.

"You weren't even supposed to go down there, and that was because we had a very short term problem." I reasoned.

"Well this will become a long term problem if we don't do something now," She started her spiel again, "If we stay in California for the rest of our lives and don't even attempt to mend the rest of the country, we could experience Medieval Era stuff with everyone claiming to have their own country. More dangerous stuff than traveling around the country, like war."

"You don't even know what kind of condition the rest of the country is in."

"That's what I'm trying to say!" She huffed, looking at the ceiling, and then back at me. She tried to give me a hard look, but it came out to look more like plea.

I could see it in her eyes that she was exhausted. I was exhausted. We had been arguing about this for hours, (well, really only discussing the topic 7% of the time; the other 93% was spent stoking our prides and giving each other the silent treatment), and our points were starting to exhaust as well. She wasn't going to budge.

I sighed. It actually wasn't a terrible idea to try to mend the country, but I wasn't going to tell her that. This was obviously important to her and I couldn't really stop her. The best I could do was go with her to keep her out of trouble and _safe_.

Plus, this wasn't really worth fighting over again.

I took a deep breath before interrupting the silence, "I might be willing to compromise with you."

"Go on…" Her voice was tired but had a hidden tinge of excitement when she spoke.

"Kevlar-"

"Wha-"

"-and you're carrying my sword."

"Well, that's easy-"

I interrupted her, "Oh, and _please_ listen to me while we're on this trip."

"Raffe, I'm not going to do anything stup-"

"Little Miss ' _Killer of Angels, Daughter of Man_ ', you sure as hell won't. " I said.

She squinted at me from her pillow. I don't know if she was weighing the disadvantages of the compromise or glaring at me to let that one go, but her eyes eventually softened and she nodded.

She squeezed my hand (since she was already holding it) and, through a yawn, said, "Deal."

I squeezed her hand back, closing negotiations, patching up the feelings that were keeping us from sleeping, and wondering what the hell I had just got myself into.

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm going to try and keep these to a minimal, but yay I'm starting a story with plot ! Anyway, this intro is a little dry and boring but I needed to start somewhere. Stick around because the journey starts next chapter woo !

P.S. the research for this fic is fascinating.

P.S.S. Onism is a made up word from John Koenig's " _The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows."_ it means: the awareness of how little of the world you'll experience. so, lit :)


	2. CA, Part B

**ONISM**

 **(CA, Part B)**

 **Highway 101, CA**

 **March 21, Year 3 PA**

Penryn wasn't letting anything ruin her day. Even when she burnt her tongue on her tea, she was still telling me to look at the sunrise because it was _so wonderful_. And she didn't even yell when a truck started tailgating her on our early morning drive up to San Francisco. She settled with a calm, " _Please get off my ass sir; I'm trying to enjoy the sunrise,_ " and then stopped worrying about him. She wasn't even discouraged when she said goodbye to her mom or Paige; she was excited, even. Giddy.

And she definitely wasn't letting her excessive lack of sleep let her down... until she fell asleep while scribbling things into a notebook.

She had tried to fight it, but to no avail, sleep curled her body into a ball and pulled her head on my chest, leaving her notebook abandoned in her lap and her pen loosely gripped in her hand. The page she had been writing on was full of nothing but bulleted observations and a neater heading of "Northern California" at the top. Her notes weren't extensive, just little ramblings about the landscape and some of the towns we had passed through before she fell asleep.

The charter bus full of about a dozen people (half the Watchers and a few council members) was on its way to its first stop, Los Angeles. The drive wasn't terrible; it was only about five hours. But it could have been closer to two and half hours if we had flown. Considering the uneasiness the Watchers had when they boarded the bus, they'd agree.

The farther south we traveled, the drier the landscape got. The land went from being damaged by flooding and earthquakes to looking like it was seared by the sun. SoCal wasn't getting much rain in the World Before, and it didn't look like it was getting _any_ in the World After. I had a bad feeling about what we would find in Los Angeles. We were only two and half hours beneath San Francisco, and living conditions weren't looking so good.

According to the passing road signs, we were driving into San Luis Obispo, which Penryn had told me was the halfway-mark between San Francisco and L.A. I considered waking her up, until:

"Holy! Wake up Dee! We're almost to Avila Beach!" Dum exclaimed from where the twins were sitting in the front of the bus, a couple seats in front of us. His outburst was loud enough to make Penryn start stirring.

"Dude, where?" Dee said, groggy, and obviously less enthusiastic than his brother. I felt Penryn try to get closer to me, trying to fall back asleep.

" _Avila. Beach._ " Dum emphasized, "Dude, it's not like we didn't used to come here every summer or anything."

She stopped trying to get comfortable and glanced out the window.

"Oh, _that_ Avila Beach," Dee continued, suddenly awake, "Sweet! Are we stopping there?" Dee asked across the bus aisle to the councilwoman seated there. (Christy Jackson: one of the five humans on this trip, a woman who was very clearly pushing fifty, who was strict about schedules and timid about straying from them, and who was voted in as the 'foreign ambassador' of the Resistance. Penryn described her as the kind of person who would be a Girl Scout troop leader, "aggressively motherly but still not particularly nice.") She had to be in-charge for this trip to be "official". It didn't surprise us when she answered with a resounding:

"No. It'll put us behind schedule."

Penryn, despite being half-asleep and not fully understanding what was going on, was ready. She glanced at her watch and leaned forward to pop her head over the seats before speaking, "How about we stop there to eat lunch?"

"I'm not so sur-" Jackson stumbled.

"C'mon, we're supposed to stop in an hour to eat anyway. Why not now?" Dum said.

"Please?" Dee chimed in.

"Well, alright," Jackson grumbled.

And with that, the domino effect completed, Dum told the driver (another council member) to take exit 196 and continue right on 101.

Penryn sat back in her seat with the giddy glow from this morning reappearing. She looked down at her notebook, and realizing we were no longer in Northern California, started a new heading for Southern California, and started scribbling down notes again.

* * *

 **Avila Beach, CA**

The bad news was that the small town plaza that had fronted Avila Beach had been destroyed with only one colorful shack still standing. The good news, however, was that the beach itself was still there and Penryn wasn't put off by the charred exterior.

As everyone else gathered to disperse food items, Penryn slipped off toward the beach. She wasn't walking with any confident direction; she was wandering so I followed her.

I caught up with her when she crouched down next to one the low tide pools near the cliffs and reached in to flip a baby turtle off of its shell. She acknowledged me with sort of a dreamy smile; it was a combination of the ones she gives me in the mornings when she's only been awake for a split second and the ones she gives me when everyone is tense and she's trying to lighten the mood but the smiles always look more like grimaces than anything.

"She said we're only staying here for an hour," I mentioned as she sat down on the rock she had been crouching on.

"Okay," She said. She had been looking out at the water, the tide pools, the pier, the cliffs, but now she glanced back at the ruined town. "What do you think happened?"

I sat next to her, "It could have been arson, but I think it was probably a fire started because the weather is so dry down here."

She nodded and let her thoughts drift off; I watched her eyes lose focus of the here and now. She reached down and squeezed my hand with her own as she watched the scene fold out in front of her. The tide was low and the waves were crashing quietly against the cliffs and the worn down pier. The beach was nicer than I expected: next to no trash was here as a reminder of the countless years of human destruction, there were numerous species of birds and crabs all over, and the water was a heck of a lot bluer than it was in San Francisco.

Penryn exhaled and leaned closer to me. Even though she had been lying on me the entire way here, this was different. Out here, my senses were heightened, she was warm and glowing because the sun was touching her skin. She was completely relaxed even though there was a burnt town behind us and an uncertain adventure in front of us. I brushed my lips against her temple. It was meant to be an innocent, loving touch, not to invoke anything more, but Penryn reached up to kiss my jawline in a way that was obvious that was what she wanted.

I glanced back at our friends; they were busy and distracted, probably didn't even realize we were gone. Plus,we were partially hidden by the surrounding rocks. We were here to work but I didn't think indulging in each other for a mini-moment would hurt anything.

Penryn apparently didn't think so either, because as soon as I looked back at her, her mouth captured mine. Her kiss was feverish and sloppy, and she was taking so much control, I was afraid (hopeful) that she would climb into my lap and straddle me right here in the open. This was the first in a long time that she had kissed me like this in public and we were both getting off on it. I broke the kiss long enough to move my lips along her jawline, and then to the spot her neck meets her shoulder, and finally the swell of her breasts that I could get to without taking her shirt off. Her hands made their rounds all over my back and in my hair.

She forced me to meet her mouth again when she made my fears (hopes) come true and climbed into my lap and straddled me. It felt like we had been kissing for ages and it crossed my mind that we should stop and join the others, but God, the noises she was making made me forget that thought as soon it appeared. I was oblivious to my surroundings by the time she started rolling her hips against mine, until, of course:

Someone whistled. Penryn froze.

"Commander," It was Hawk, "it hasn't even been a full day yet!" He called at us.

"Yeah, we'll be up on the cliffs when you two are finished!" Howler added. I could sense the wink he gave us even though I couldn't see them.

We shared one last chaste kiss before joining the others.

* * *

 **Los Angeles, CA**

It was sort of a morbid end of the day. All the hopefulness that Penryn had was suddenly, temporarily gone. We didn't even reach the center of the city before we turned around. There was nothing left to save; we crossed LA off the map as a dead city.

* * *

 _ **From Penryn's Journal:**_

 _ **On Los Angeles**_

 _My heart is heavy. My throat hurts from holding in tears. I knew there would be places like this, but I'd refused to believe it._

 _Los Angeles is partially burnt down, but unlike Avila Beach, it is definitely because of arson. We shouldn't have ignored the graffiti at the entrance to the city telling us to turn back. The warnings kept coming the farther we got, and with more warnings came more bodies. There were dead bodies everywhere, in the street, on the sidewalk, we finally turned around when we saw little girls hanging from light posts…_

 _We're camped on the state line of California/Nevada right now. Everyone is asleep or at least faking it except me. I need to gather my thoughts, fix my emotions._

 _It was a bad end to our first day. It was a bad end to a good city. I don't know how any of this could have happened. Angels aren't the problem when humans are the ones that are killing each other. Why can't we just get along for once?_

 _I could end this entry positively and talk about how hopeful I am for tomorrow and the continuation of our journey, but then I would be lying. Truthfully, I couldn't dread tomorrow any more than I do. I feel beyond sad. I feel hopeless._


	3. NV, Part A

**A/N:** this one is all over the place I hope everything is clear. to vegas bb ::)

* * *

 **ONISM**

 **(NV, Part A)**

She had woke me up in the middle of the night because she had had a nightmare. She was all fear and anxiety, not yet crying but trembling, as she crushed her body into mine, looking for warmth to soothe her freezing body. She hadn't had a nightmare in six months. She rarely dreamt anymore.

In the morning, I found her lying underneath a blanket and a sleeping bag, tucked in up to her chin, watching the sun rise in the horizon. It was a magnificent sight, really. The desert around us was coming to life with pinks and oranges and she had this perfect look of contentment etched on her face, like this moment belonged in a painting. She turned to me and gave me a sweet smile; hope - not entirely lost.

* * *

The morning was a slow and tired one. There were groans and gripes; nobody slept well. The air was quiet and nobody dared to break the silence of the non-morning people. The atmosphere was timid, not hopeful, not dreadful, just awkwardly still.

* * *

 **Primm, Nevada**

 **March 22, Year 3, PA**

Primm, Nevada was merely a place to pull over at. It wasn't a tourist town or a town that anyone respectable would choose to live in; it was barely more than a couple gas stations, fast food chains, and sleazy hotels. Primm, Nevada was trying way too hard to be Vegas. It also happened to be deserted.

"Wait, you actually like indie music?"

"Yeah, it definitely sounds like you're shitting with us."

Penryn made her way through the bus aisle to climb into the seat next to me again. I don't know if her cheeks were pink from the sunburn she was already getting or from her annoyance of the twins. They had been talking about music to pass the time. They called her a 'closet-flower-crown-hipster' for enjoying different kinds of music. She told them they tried too hard to be edgy.

The bus pulled over at a Chevron gas station that looked to possibly still have fuel left in it. Now that we were actually in the town, it was definitely a ghost town. Fortunately, nothing looked burnt down, just deserted and dusty. I glanced over at Penryn who was taking note of all of this in her journal.

When we got off the bus to let the driver steal some gas, Penryn didn't notice we weren't alone until she jumped at the sound of a guitar. A couple was sitting in the shade of a van and playing a ukulele and a guitar. They had wind chimes dangling from their rearview and solar panels strapped to the roof. They looked harmless but the situation was bizarre enough for us to be cautious. We were in a ghost town and we find musicians playing their hearts out to anyone that would listen, even a bus full of angels.

" _On a dark desert highway…_ " the woman started singing and Penryn bursted out laughing, but moved closer to them and politely enjoyed their rendition of "Hotel California." It was ironic, clumsy, but not half bad.

Penryn extended her hand out to them and introduced us.

"I'm Penryn...

...yeah, we're with the Resistance in San Francisco-"

"Sonora, Andrew," gesture to the van behind them, "and Walt."

Penryn gave me a smirk. (" _She? You're not one of those people who name their cars and coffee mugs, are you? It's an inanimate object. Get over it.")_

"Where're y'all headin'?"

"The next leg is Vegas." Penryn answered.

"We stayed there last night. They seem to be holding up alright.

We were just fillin' the tank up before headin' to Los Angeles."

Penryn went from exchanging pleasantries to panicked in an instant.

"Don't-

-I mean, I should probably warn you…"

* * *

 **Las Vegas, NV**

The iconic " _Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas_ " sign was no longer lit up. Someone had spray painted the sign to say "Welcome to New Vegas" instead. (The twins and Penryn had a good laugh about the irony of that.) In reality, none of the iconic Vegas lights were active and the people were organized rats and stragglers.

It wasn't hard to find their main governmental building. Jackson forced Penryn into putting a skirt on and strapping Pooky onto her back instead of her hip. We entered the world-famous Bellagio hotel at noon and we were finished with negotiations, treaties, contracts, etc by three. I had snuck Penryn away from everyone else and into our assigned hotel room by three-thirty.

The room used to have grandeur but now it was just clean at best. It was on one of the top floors with a huge window that displayed dusty buildings and abandoned tourist destinations and flat desert as far as the eye could see.

"Is taking a nap an option?" Penryn said when I asked her what she wanted to do for the rest of the day. She flopped down on the bed, not caring how high her skirt fell, and gave me doe eyes.

I lied down next to her, sighing. "Rough night?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.

She murmured her agreement and curled against my chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head.

"Penryn."

But her eyes were already closed and her heart rate had already slowed. I pressed a kiss to the warm skin of her temple before drifting off with her.

* * *

"Raffe."

I woke up to her fingers tracing the outline of my chest. Her heartbeat was slowing down from frantic levels. As soon as I opened my eyes, her lips pounced on my mine.

I reciprocated and tightened my arms around her.

I knew what was happening; she had a another bad dream and was seeking, no, needing physical contact.

Her lips slipped down to my neck, she paused to breathe me in. I ran a hand through her hair.

"Hush, it'll be okay."

She nodded through the haze.

"Which one was it?"

"Two." She answered before laying her head on my chest.

Back when it was _really_ bad for both of us, we numbered certain situations to make the nightmares easier to talk about. Number two was abandonment or death of loved ones. I ran a hand through her hair again, kissing her.

"Everything's okay." I murmured.

* * *

Dinner was business as usual, almost as if nothing happened. Back in our room, we had to take a bath together ( _only_ ) because they disconnected the shower heads in every room and only ran water for two hours every night to save water. Although, I'm not complaining about the large bathtub. I definitely didn't hear any complaints.

* * *

 _ **From Penryn's Journal:**_

 _ **On March 22**_

 _I feel like my mother._

 _It's only the second day. Keep your head on, Young._


	4. AZ, Part A

" _What a beautiful face_

 _I have found in this place_

 _that is circling all round the sun"_

 _Neutral Milk Hotel's_

 _In The Aeroplane Over The Sea_

* * *

 **ONISM**

 **(AZ, Part A)**

Sometime in the early morning hours, Penryn had buried her face into my neck, pressing her body against mine. She pulled my arm around her with a murmur of, "Please hold me." She finally fell asleep like that.

She was still asleep when I woke up a few hours later; she was in a fetal position, facing away from the large window that was pouring sunlight and mountains into the room. I squeezed her thigh and traced her skin with my finger, (we had to meet up with others, and do some more stuff while we were here) but she just mumbled incoherently and drifted back to sleep.

I sighed and got ready without her, closing the curtains before I left the room.

* * *

 **US 93, AZ**

 **March 23, Year 3, PA**

Tweedle Dee passed out playing cards face-down throughout the bus while Tweedle Dum explained the rules of the game.

"Keep your card to yourself. Each round will start by me, your lovely narrator, telling you to go to sleep. Everyone will keep their eyes closed until I call for you to open them. Someone will be killed or attacked each round and there will be a majority vote for who did it; whoever is alleged guilty will be lynched.

"If you got a Jack, you're a witch (and there are three); your goal is to kill everyone and not get lynched for it. If you got an Ace, you're the medic (there are two); you get to save someone from being killed by the witches each round. If you got a King, you're the Nightwatch; you can ask me who is a witch and I'll tell you yes or no. And if you got a regular card, you're a villager; stay alive."

Penryn was sitting backwards in the seat next to me facing the rest of the bus. She gave me a little smirk, unable to keep a poker-face. Howler was saying something about how if I was killed first, we would know that a witch was Penryn because nobody else would kill their commander first. Penryn argued that Howler was only saying that to set her up, and that maybe he was a witch. Thermo pointed out that I could also be a witch and their argument was futile.

I was just a villager.

"Okay," Dum interrupted, "Town go to sleep."

He waited until we all closed our eyes.

"Witches wake up."

The whole bus was silent for a moment until he broke it by saying, "Witches go to sleep."

"Medics wake up."

Silence.

"Medics go to sleep."

"Nightwatch wake up."

There was a longer moment of silence.

"Nightwatch go to sleep. Okay, town wake up."

Dum had a shit-eating grin on his face as we opened our eyes, "There was a death last night-

"-killed by flying into a power line after someone spiked his drink." Dee offered.

"Sorry Raffe, but you're dead." Dum concluded.

"Wow, I'm honored to have such a noble death." I said sarcastically and flipped my card over showing everyone I was just a villager. At least I could spectate during the rounds.

"Now for the lynching-"

"Penryn did it!" Howler exclaimed.

"Even if I was a witch, I wouldn't do precisely what you said I would before the game started. You're just mad at me because I didn't fall for your little prank yesterday." Penryn turned to Dum, "I vote Howler."

"One vote Penryn. One vote Howler," Dee stated like it was a gamble.

They went around the bus and voted. Penryn had got them off her back enough to turn the votes between Howler and Hawk. Hawk got the majority votes because he was acting suspicious and was killed (he was apparently a medic.) A new round started.

"Witches wake up."

Penryn opened her eyes and gave me a devilish smirk as she lifted her head. I watched her, Thermo, and Little B silently argue over whether to kill Howler or Cyclone. They chose Cyclone.

"Medic wake up."

Cyclone opened his eyes and decided to 'save' Howler.

"Nightwatch wake up."

Howler opened his eyes and confirmed that Penryn was indeed a witch.

They lynched Howler in the next round.

Thermo was the first witch to go, followed by Penryn. But Little B stayed alive long enough for the rest of the 'town' to be killed. The witches won that game.

* * *

 **Phoenix, AZ**

Phoenix ended up being a lot like Las Vegas. It was already established and they had already moved most of the state into the large cities. We really didn't have much business to do there besides alerting them of our (angels and the Resistance alike) existence. Nobody was happy to see a group of angels rolling up into their scrap of a town but, luckily, we hadn't been shown hostility yet.

Penryn didn't think I noticed her fascination of the mountains that erupted in the middle of city. She didn't think I noticed her scribble in her notebook, " _They built their town AROUND the mountains._ " But I did notice and that is why we were flying to one of the peaks to get away for a few hours, to watch the sunset.

The city below us looked broken and dusty. The skyscrapers were dark and unused, humans feeling safer on the ground. The people looked like dignified scavengers, still scrambling for their basic needs, unlike San Francisco which stopped looking like that after about a year.

The peak of the mountain was left untouched by the apocalypse. It was the same red rocks and cacti that it probably was in the World Before. I put Penryn down and we looked for a spot to sit and watch the sun go down.

Later, when the last bit of light was hanging in the sky, Penryn was laying almost on top of me with her head on my chest. Her fingers were absent-mindedly dancing across my side.

"I can't believe you killed me in the first round-" I said.

"-I can explain-"

"- _after_ I covered for you this morning so you could sleep an extra couple hours."

"Sorry, I just had to make sure Howler didn't win," Penryn sighed, "And thanks, by the way," She said seriously.

"Is it bad because you're away from your family?" I asked referring to her nightmares and mental state.

Her fingers stopped moving along my skin and she inhaled, considering.

"Because no one is forcing you to go through with the whole trip. We could pack up and fly back home in no longer than a day."

She shook her head and sat up, leaning on her arms. "No, no. That's not necessary, Raffe." She grabbed my hand, "I just - Remember a few days ago in L.A.? The little girls? It just scared me. I don't know, triggered something."

"My offer still stands though."

"Okay, but no. It's fine," She looked at me with finality, "I'm fine."

Dusk settled and after a few stolen touches and fleeting kisses, Penryn fell asleep in my arms on the flight back down the mountain. I believed her when she said she was fine, but it still didn't change that she was exhausted.

* * *

 **A/N:** okay but there are about 2 dozen Watchers and we only know the names of 5. The other twenty are just hanging out in the background making up the mass of them and that's not cool lol. (I also really don't want to name them and give them personalities because that feels weird to me) but whatever. I hope you enjoyed this!


	5. TX, Part A

" _Sister, sister_

 _What did they do to you?_

 _Did they take, and try to break_

 _Very hard, very long_

 _So wrong"_

The Black Keys'

 _Sister_

* * *

 **ONISM**

 **(TX, Part A)**

* * *

 **Route 66, TX**

 **April 3, Year 3, PA**

The only indication that we were crossing into a different state was the sign welcoming us. The terrain - unchanged. The culture - unchanged. The road - again, unchanged. I suppose, once upon a time, the laws might have slightly differed but that's the only distinction I could make. Since we'd left the coast, it had just been desert, mountains, and the same cracked highway for miles.

We were almost two weeks out on this trip and everyone was clearly feeling it. (We'd spent too long in Colorado trying to help build a functioning society, trying to get the people there on track). Penryn was getting irritable, mainly just keeping to herself; her hair looked in desperate need of being washed. Everyone was tired and just wanted the trip to end soon. At the least, a change of scenery would be nice.

It was late afternoon when the bus passed a 'Welcome to Texas' sign and continued on the mostly abandoned road. I guess when people realized the apocalypse was happening, they chose the newer, faster highways to try and escape on. Route 66 was left pretty clear of jammed cars to swerve around. We were making great time, and that was good because we had several stops in the state.

I heard Penryn inhale sharply beside me as she woke up from a nap. I glanced up from the book I took from Penryn's backpack (traveling by vehicle is boring) to see her push herself off the side of the window and yawn. She caught me looking at her and smirked.

"Where are we?" She asked as she pulled a road atlas out of her bag.

"Texas," and before her next question ,"barely."

And then Penryn opened her map and measured the distance from the state line to the first town we were stopping at with her thumb.

* * *

 **Amarillo, TX**

It was hard to tell whether Amarillo (which used to have a population of 200,000 people) was impoverished before the apocalypse or because of the apocalypse. It looked like any town built by being on the interstate, catering to tourists. The buildings were mostly Spanish style with references to the 'Old West.'

The streets were empty. Sure, there were cars piled up, and paper and trash sprawled about, but we hadn't seen a single soul since we entered the city. The atmosphere felt eerie, like we had stumbled upon a ghost town.

The bus drove toward the middle of the city looking for a sign of life. We slowed down as we rolled through a residential street. Every house had broken windows and a charred interior. Still no sign of humans anywhere near, although we definitely didn't want to run into the people who did this.

We had been on edge since we entered the town, but now, Penryn bit her lip and strapped Pookie Bear to her back. We made eye contact; worry was written on her face.

More roads. More burnt houses. Bullet holes were also not uncommon. But I was starting to see flickers of people about, but they were fast and few.

We were headed toward a white building that towered over most of the other buildings. As we got closer, the amount of damaged buildings decreased, and chain link fencing and concrete walls as defense increased. There was definitely civilization in that white building.

We stopped when the chain link fencing blocked the road. It just stretched right across it. I don't know what they were trying to keep out. It was a tall fence but even humans could climb it easily.

"So we're gonna fly over it?" Howler said breaking the silence.

"I really don't think we want to scare these people," Penryn said.

"Did you see all the bullet holes everywhere? They're probably loaded with guns," Dum said rationally.

"Well we can't just ignore the town and leave," Jackson grumbled from the front of the bus.

"Hey!" Someone yelled before anyone else could speak.

There was a stout man standing behind the fence with a metal pole in his hand yelling at us to show ourselves. He didn't look all that harmful.

"You folks not from around here?

"Oh," The man said as he saw our wings when we got off the bus. He held his metal pole (which with a closer look, was actually cattle prod) defensively, like it would protect him.

"Relax," Penryn took control, "They won't hurt you." She got closer to the fence. "We're with a resistance group in San Francisco." She slipped her hand through one of the holes in the fence and offered it to him to shake; it was ballsy, with his cattle prod still up ready to shock someone. "I'm Penryn Young."

He looked at her hand and hesitated. "We don't need any help here," He said roughly.

"Okay, but can you at least show us around?" Penryn persisted.

He looked at her hand again and sighed.

"Yeah, but I can only take a few o' ya," He finally shook her hand, "Jim, by the way."

* * *

The white building that was in the center of all the fencing mess was the Potter County Courthouse. It had tall Spanish style arches in the front and plenty of stories that were apparently housing people, which is why Jim only wanted to take a few of us inside.

Inside, we were shown around. It looked like the Resistance's first attempt at a camp. There were scared and hungry people everywhere. And it didn't seem like the humans in charge had any idea how to fix it. They didn't even have guns because gangs had looted them all.

Thermo and I were brought upstairs so they could show us their creative weapon making and talk more about the gang activity, while Penryn and Cyclone went to another part of the building.

It was kind of sad now that we were inside the only safe place these people had. They were more scared of gangs (who were their own kind) than of some angels that caused this whole thing.

And their weaponry was crude. Cattle prods, sling shots, pepper sprays. They wouldn't get very far with those against guns. But we gave them advice anyway.

One of their council members was showing us on a map how they had been slowly taking back the area when we heard screams from downstairs. I was immediately alert. Gunshots. The hallway was full of people pushing each other to get up to the higher levels. Where was Penryn?

Well, she was with Cyclone, I reassured myself enough to act. Glancing at the doorway, there was no way I could get through that crowd of people. Thermo fought the crowd while I went toward the window. Gunshots echoed in the courtyard with the window open. I wasted a second to see four armed men taking shots below. People were trying to hide behind anything they could find. Blood had spilled on the light concrete. And then I was out the window and in the air.

Where was Penryn?

And in the next second, I caught a glimpse of her bashing a guy into the wall of the courthouse before he could get any closer to the civilians. Why was she alone? I swooped down when I saw a second guy with his gun pointed at her back. Penryn and I made eye contact and she froze.

 _Almost there. Just get my girl and go. Get out of here. There's nothing that we can do for these people. None of this is our problem._

My heart almost stopped with every shot that was fired, fearing it was at Penryn.

What felt like a flight in slow-motion ended when I pulled her from the ground by her underarms.

Only…

A shot rang out a bit louder than the rest.

Penryn let out a strangled, muffled cry into my chest that rang in my ears longer than the gunshot.

And then Penryn was fully in my arms gasping and grasping her leg. I flew as fast as I could to the bus, barely noticing Cyclone and Thermo behind me.

Someone told the bus driver to get us the hell out of there and I focused on laying Penryn in a seat. Her hand was covered in blood where it was pressed against her outer right thigh. I pulled her hand off the wound but I couldn't tell how bad it was. She pulled her blanket around herself as I took her jeans off.

The Watchers brought me supplies, water, bandages, painkillers, as we needed them. Pouring water on the wound revealed it to be a graze, but it was a graze with a .45 (confirmed Cyclone, who bashed the shooter's skull in as soon as it happened.) It went down to the muscle and probably wrecked her nerve endings, but it missed a major artery.

After it was clean and bandaged up, I sat with Penryn's feet over my lap, her right knee in the air to stop the bleeding. I looked down at Penryn, who was in a lot of pain and drowsy from the painkillers we gave her. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her bottom lip was red from biting. She looked small and vulnerable, with her blanket pulled up to her chest, hugging her backpack because it was the first thing she could reach to give her comfort.

"You need to get some rest," I told her quietly and pressed my lips to her knee in my lap.

"Wish I could have felt that," She said closing her eyes.

I reached over and squeezed her hand, "Now go to sleep."

She might have looked vulnerable but she didn't compare to me right now. I was so worried about losing her, I wasn't letting her out of my sight until I was sure she was going to be okay.

And she was going to be okay. It was just a flesh wound. I knew that. I also knew nothing bad would happen to her overnight. But that didn't stop me from staying up all night, just to make sure.

* * *

 **A/N:** hello I hope you enjoyed that chapter. I'm really excited to finally get to this point in the story. I really appreciate all the reviews I get.

But I wanted to warn you all that I'm going to be giving my life away to my _last_ marching season for the next 4 months. Like I don't think I'm going to go on a hiatus, but updates and stories will be less frequent (lol like they're frequent now)

but anyway, godspeed i guess


	6. Multi-state, Part A

" _Murdering promises_

 _That I just can't keep_

 _We could sing pretty melodies_

 _On the unmade bed_

 _Slow-dancing to a silhouette_

 _Cause I ain't dead yet"_

Barns Courtney | _Hellfire_

 **ONISM**

 **(Multi-state, Part A)**

 **Lubbock, TX**

 **April 4, Year 3, PA**

"Let me help you,"

She scowled back, "I've got it," pushing her weight off the back of the bus seats to make it down the aisle.

I surrendered and followed her.

"Penryn," I warned as she started down the steps.

I was met by a sharp look (directly followed by surprise and her hand finding my arm to catch herself.)

 **Corpus Christi, TX**

 **April 9, Year 3, PA**

"Do you think I can take a proper shower yet?" Penryn asked, not looking up from her notebook.

We were in a hotel for showers and a good night sleep. Penryn was sitting on the bathroom vanity drawing something that was out the ocean facing window while I took the old dressing off her leg.

She winced as the bandage caught on her skin.

"Sorry," I murmured but continued.

She hummed in response and bit her lip, focusing on her drawing.

The bruising was bad. It was still really bad. And the wound itself, a long indent that curved slightly toward the end, hadn't changed since it stopped bleeding.

"I'm afraid you'll have to stick to sponge baths," I squeezed her arm.

She closed her eyes and tensed up a little. I saw her. I could see her stress rising. And she was stressing because she could see how worried I was about her. Which only made me worry about her more.

Caught in this cycle, Penryn had stopped trying. She resisted my help until she was too discouraged to give me any more sharp looks. She was too busy distracting herself to care about her dignity. She was scared. We were both scared really.

She was locking her fears up, afraid that acknowledging them will bring them to life.

"You just like administering them too much," she relaxed, returning to her drawing. The casual lilt in her voice returning.

"I haven't heard any complaining," I said lowly. We said it like there were sexual undertones, for the banter, for the release. But in reality, Penryn letting and wanting me to take care of her was just a way for both of us to cope.

Penryn let out a nervous laugh that would be convincing to anyone but me.

"So what are you drawing?" I ask carefully, closing my arms around her middle and resting my lips on her shoulder, ignoring the tension.

"That big turtle out there," She says cheerfully oblivious and nods toward the window, "Isn't it cute?"

"It looks like a soccer ball." I take the bait to lighten the mood.

I pulled away just in time to miss her elbowing me. I held up my hands in surrender; a laugh escaped me at her attempt. She finally met my eyes then, glaring at me for making fun of her but a smile followed soon after. The tension dissipated in the air as we looked at each other. It felt like a sigh, a release. Her features softened, finally opening herself up to me.

"Come here," she breathed, already urging me closer with her good leg around my back.

She pulled me into a soft kiss. It was slow and felt like a deep breath. It was already humid in the room, but the warmth of her lips and her body against mine was welcome. She tasted like sweat and sea salt. I could feel her breathing in a way that made me think she might start crying.

She released my lips and buried her face in my neck. I ran my hand down her back and my fingers in her hair. We stayed like for a while.

Penryn placed a final kiss against my jaw and pushed me to let her down. She limped over to the tub and sat on the floor next to it, starting to pull her shirt over her head.

"Will you...help me wash my hair? I can't really reach the faucet and I just prefer it when you do it."

"Of course."

So we acknowledged the fear without actually voicing it, with touches and vulnerability.

 **Oklahoma City, OK**

 **April 18, Year 3, PA**

It was Howler's idea to gamble for the right to sleep on the couch in the no bedroom cabin we were occupying. It was Thermo who found the board game and it was Cyclone who found all of the booze. The first person to become a millionaire won the couch and the rest had to sleep on the floor.

Things had escalated from there.

Penryn was drunk and lost, claiming it was unfair because she kept landing on children spaces and kids were expensive. But she looked like she was having fun.

At the end of the night, the twins shared opposite ends of the couch and I tucked Penryn beneath my wing on the floor.

 **Topeka, KA**

 **April 21, Year 3, PA**

 _From Penryn's Journal:_

We're in Kansas today and tomorrow. I don't think I've seen a single hill since we got here; it's so different from home. The locals say it's tornado season and we should leave as soon as possible. Cyclone keeps making stupid jokes about how he'll fly against the current and stop it.

I still can't feel my leg. Raffe says the nerve endings will heal. I hope he's right. He won't admit it but I think it's getting infected, despite the babying. Raffe told me not to worry about it.

It's been a month since we left. We still have a few to go before we go back home. I miss Paige and I hope she's doing okay with Mom. I hope Mom is taking care of her even though she doesn't need it anymore.

I hope I wasn't stupid for leaving them to go on this trip.


End file.
